Endings and Beginnings

Much has happened since spring break. April and May seemed to be filled with goodbyes--wishing a farewell to graduate school, clients, and friends. It felt like so many endings all at once and, for several weeks, I mourned the loss of that part of my life. I realized how much comfort I took and continue to take in the "known." I found great security in knowing what each day would entail and, in a matter of days, all of my certainty was diminished. Whenever I start talking about the unknown, I tend to get very anxious and indecisive. It's one of the biggest differences between Dennis and I. For him, the unknown=excitement and unlimited opportunities. For me, the unknown=a scary, insecure future that I don't want to venture towards. Obviously, you can tell which one of us has a better grip of God's unfailing promises:) But truly, I was wrestling through what God's provision would look like and wanted to know quickly.

A far-off friend recently shared sentiments that I identified with; a longing to control the details of my life. I want to chart the course and the timing. I want to select the proper equipment and find my own way, whatever it takes. This urge to control oftentimes robs me of the opportunity to see God's faithfulness and mysterious plan.

This Monday I started a new job...well, an old job really. I essentially went from being an intern to being on staff. Now that I'm employed and have one more thing figured out, I'm wondering what all my worry and doubt was for (this is usually the case). It's been a tricky transition and one that will take time, but I'm truly thankful to have a job in tough economic times, especially in the non-profit world. And I'm excited to take on new challenges with new clients who are seeking to make changes in their life. It's a humbling experience to sit across from an individual or family who so courageously shares their story...

I won't make any promises, but I'll try not to be a stranger for too long. As soon as sit down to type, I feel more free. Amazing how writing can do that.